


Take My Heart

by chasingastarlight



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: F/M, seriously this is canon it's in their eyes, what I imagine during the handshake scene in 2x08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-21 23:22:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6061951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chasingastarlight/pseuds/chasingastarlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec's feelings when Ellie comes to say goodbye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own these characters nor this lines, they're part of Broadchurch, which belongs to ITV.

It’s time, everything’s settled and this town doesn’t need me anymore. I don’t need it either, if only there’s one thing that I could ever need in here, but it’s stupid and it’s hopeless, therefore, I’m leaving for good. I am just taking my bags out as she enters the room and doesn’t even greet me, doesn’t even need to. 

‘’What time is your taxi coming?’’ She asks standing still on the doorway.

‘’Uhm… about half an hour.’’ I answer as I place the bags and I let myself fall back to sit on the diner table. ‘’You don’t have to wait.’’ I let her know, because it’s true, she doesn’t have to, but deep inside I wish she did.

‘’Right.’’ She replies with no change in the tone of her voice.

She doesn’t say anything else and I’m left not knowing what to do. What the fuck can I do in this moment? It’s a goodbye, I’m not planning on coming back and she’s just standing there not saying a bloody word. Why does she have to make it even harder? I don’t understand, but to be fair… I can’t blame her. I’m not an easy man to be with, I’m not an easy person to even be friends and I’m not delusional, I know she doesn’t like me as anything further than that, as anything but a friend. And we’re only friends because of how things have turned out to be, if Joe had been innocent and he was still with her we wouldn’t be more than simple colleagues. She is my friend because she was alone and so was I, she is my friend ‘cause she didn’t have anything else better to go with. I’m not a fool, I know I’m insufferable and there’s no reason why such a nice and kind woman would want to be anywhere near me. I wouldn’t blame her, really, I wouldn’t be able to. I know I have to speak now, it’s my turn, and there are so many things I want to tell her that I just go for the easiest and safest shot. 

‘’I couldn’t have done this without you.’’ I say, and I truly mean it, she’s been the key to everything.

‘’No, you couldn’t. And you didn’t.’’ 

She smiles briefly after saying it and I have to repress a smile myself, but I want her to know I mean it. Besides, it’s not like I’m able to smile knowing that everything is over now.

‘’Seriously.’’ I insist with a serious tone.

‘’Don’t be nice to me, it’s not how it works.’’ She warns me.

‘’Alright.’’ I give up, if she doesn’t want me to be nice then I won’t even try. I’m not good at it anyway, and it’s only making me look like an even bigger fool than I am. 

‘’So where you… where are you gonna go?’’ She asks, not daring to look me in the eye. Maybe she feels it too, maybe she’s just on the verge of tears because she doesn’t want to see me go. Maybe, just maybe… 

‘’I don’t know… close to Daisy, I need to be near my daughter.’’ I let her know.

‘’Yeah, quite right.’’ She comments. ‘’Well… okay, thanks for everything.’’ She says taking a step further and holding out her hand for me to shake. 

I pull off a disappointed face while deep inside I could laugh at how awkward this situation is starting to look. I’d laugh with my most bitter laugh right now if it wasn’t so damn impossible for me to even attempt to curve my lips to something that could resemble happiness. This can’t possibly be happening, it’s ridiculous.

‘’Handshake?’’ I ask as I stand up to shake her hand as she wants.

‘’Yeah, not hugging you.’’ She says with a face that’s telling me she almost regrets not doing it. 

Almost, but she doesn’t change her mind as her hand is still being held out. I want to yell at her, tell her that she’s wrong, I want to hug her as much as she wants to hug me but I can’t, I just can’t do it. Maybe she just doesn’t want to do it, I must respect her decision, don’t I? 

‘’Look after yourself, Miller.’’ I say as I take her hand. Way to change the words that one could say to the person he likes when he knows it’s his final chance. Just another way to say ‘I love you’ with different words but same meaning.

She nods as she still holds onto the grip of my hand and I can now see how she’s about to cry. Maybe she’s sad about me leaving, after all, maybe I’m not as unbearable to her as I think I am, maybe if I told her what I feel, things could be different. But I’m too much of a coward, I could never face the truth if it wasn’t what I want it to be, so I stay silent and ask her a final question instead.

‘’What about Joe?’’

‘’It’s been dealt with.’’ She answers.

She gives me one final stare, full of sadness, before walking away and leaving me alone. I watch her leave, unable to stop her but knowing damn well that I should do it. I want to kill myself over the though of never seeing her again, over the thought of her being sad because I’m leaving, and the fact that I didn’t try to stop her and she didn’t try to stop me either. She’s too wrong about me, but maybe I’m too wrong about her as well, anyway, now it’s too late for regrets. Alec Hardy, you’ve messed up once again.

 

ELLIE

I walk out of his house for the last time. I can’t look back now because I know if I do I will never be able to leave without making him promise he’ll stay, and I can’t do that to him or myself. I’ve seen the look in his face when I’ve offered him a handshake instead of a hug, but I honestly thought he wouldn’t want it, it’s not how we work, is it? I don’t even know anymore, but he’s leaving and I’ve lost my chance to tell him. I’m not coming back. I’m not, because if I did I would have to confess him that the only reason why I didn’t hug him was down to the fact that I couldn’t trust myself to ever let him go if I did so. I can’t do that to him, can I? He’s got a daughter to look after, he wants to move out of this town and I understand him, I would do anything for my kids. 

I just wish I could tell him, because he deserves to know that even if he’s a pain in the ass, he’s been the best support I’ve had during these months, and I’m very glad he came here, even if that meant he took my job! I wish he knew how much he means to me, because I know he can’t see it, he can’t even bring himself to care about it after all he’s been through and I can’t do anything but understand him. I’ll just miss him, and I should’ve let him know. 

I get to the beach with Tom and Fred, and the Latimers are already there. They’re not happy either, they just lost their son and the tragedy is still present, but they look happy enough because even with their problems, they’ve got each other. I think of how it would be with Alec, there’s no way he would’ve wanted to come along to the beach, not ever, and even if the thought would drive anyone else mad, it makes me smile.

I should’ve hugged him and never let him go.


End file.
